How Scottish Parliament has become a Thick of It farce (and it's about to get even worse)

It’s not hard to imagine Malcolm Tucker’s verdict on the Scottish Parliament as the sixth session staggers towards its ignominious final term. The legendary spin doctor, brought brilliantly to life by two Scots, writer Armando Iannucci and actor Peter Capaldi in The Thick of It, would stand at the back of the Holyrood Chamber where the officials lurk, arms folded, and muttering the immortal phase “****ing omnishambles”.

“Sack the ****ing lot of them,” he would scream into his phone as he stalked up the High Street. “Turn the ****ing building into an old folk’s home.” Trouble is, he would be right, and I write with the heavy heart of someone who supported devolution in the 80s and 90s, and who then worked at the heart of the Scottish Government and in the parliament.

My spell as a government spin doctor in the early 2000s was not without incident. One Labour minister ‘forgot’ to turn up for portfolio questions because he was too busy scoffing pie and beans in the canteen. He was toast a few months later.

READ MORE: Holyrood bosses urged to launch investigation into bugging claims

Fictional spin doctor Malcolm Tucker would have been furious about the state of the Scottish Parliament (Picture: Mike Hogan) | BBC

A short kilt and a girls’ weekend in Amsterdam

I was in New York with First Minister Jack McConnell when he was snapped by this newspaper’s photographer wearing a too-short, pin-striped kilt, an image that delighted sketch writers and opposition MSPs for years.

And I can still recall the few minutes of panic when Wendy Alexander jumped on a plane for a girls' weekend in Amsterdam after handing in her resignation as enterprise minister – seen as a move designed to de-stabilise the new McConnell administration. By the time she reached her hotel, however, Iain Gray had replaced her and the storm in a teacup had passed.

In the past few days, Holyrood has suffered more chaos than I witnessed in five years in government. The week began with the unedifying spectacle of First Minister John Swinney defending the indefensible – Angela Constance. The SNP Justice Secretary survived a no confidence vote in parliament, despite effectively admitting she’d broken the ministerial code at least once, probably twice, in relation to her misrepresentation of the views of one of the UK’s leading child protection experts, Professor Alexis Jay.

“If I am guilty of anything,” Constance told the education committee, “I am very task-focused.” Tell that to the survivors of child sexual exploitation still waiting for the details of the review she promised weeks ago, not to mention the four government agencies she told MSPs would carry it out without bothering to inform them beforehand. Health Improvement Scotland revealed it had heard of their involvement when it was announced in Holyrood.

Ash Regan being singled out?

One of the most effective backbench MSPs, independent Ash Regan, is facing a two-day ban from Holyrood because she posted an image on social media of a letter she had sent to the Presiding Officer complaining about the conduct of Scottish Green MSP, Maggie Chapman.

The parliament’s standards committee has recommended that Regan is excluded from parliament for breaking the rule that bars MSPs from publicly commenting on formal complaints while they are under consideration.

Regan is bang to rights some might say – except that in two similar cases, the MSPs involved, James Kelly and James Dornan, were let off with a slap on the wrist. Why is Regan being singled out? Surely not because of her pesky habit of challenging power?

If MSPs agree to punish her for her ‘crime’, they risk jeopardising the passage of Regan’s Unbuyable Bill, which outlaws the purchase of sex. It is already running against the clock and any delay would surely kill its chances of becoming law. But in the Holyrood bubble, it seems punishing a ‘difficult’ woman takes precedence over a chance to change society for the better.

Bugging scandal

And just when you thought it couldn’t get any worse, two days ago this newspaper revealed that a female SNP MSP had been the alleged victim of a ‘bugging’ operation by a member of her own staff, with information leaked to the media.

Within 24 hours of the report, there were reports two more women MSPs had allegedly been been spied on by male staffers.

Women politicians being spied on by their male staffers? Not even Iannucci would have written this plot twist.

It prompted former SNP MP Joanna Cherry KC to write on social media: “It’s a climate of fear in which I worked for years and about which I write in my forthcoming memoir.” Her revelations are timed to come out just as the 2026 Holyrood campaign reaches its peak, and will no doubt rock the SNP.

Mind-blowing incompetence

Whether they have an impact on how people vote is another matter, but if the polls are correct, come next May, Holyrood is facing its biggest challenge since it was established 25 years ago.

Picture the scene. Post the election, the SNP, despite its own best efforts to discredit its reputation at every turn, remains the biggest party but with a disproportionate number of inexperienced new MSPs. Reform and the Scottish Greens vie with each other for the number two slot, also with teams of people who are new to the discipline of parliamentary democracy.

Scottish Labour slumps to its lowest number of MSPs yet and the Tories struggle to make double figures, which will probably result in disruptive leadership elections for both parties. Meanwhile, the Lib Dems lurk at the back with a handful of representatives. If you thought the last few days have been a hot mess, you ain’t seen nothing yet.

Scandal, intrigue and mind-blowing incompetence may be the lifeblood of political punditry and cat nip for social media, but as my granny used to say, it’s no way to run a menage. Scotland deserves better.