Funny who you bump into at the till, I play celeb spotting on the streets of Edinburgh

Kevin McKidd, Ewan McGregor and Ewen Bremner attend the 30th anniversary photocall for "Trainspotting" | Getty Images

With the Festival in full frenzy it’s impossible to stravaig the streets of the capital without sighting a celebrity.

First up on day one of what we’ll call Slebspotting because it’s Irvine Welsh, is the Transpotting author walking towards me up Brandon Terrace, heading for Edinburgh city centre. The ever amenable Mr Welsh stops for a chat about his festival appearances - a Trainspotting Live Event + Club Night at Leith Theatre and a Book Festival appearance for his new Las Vegas set novel, Can Nothing Save Us), but we meander into Scotland’s Miami World Cup appearance where he joined the Tartan Army before segueing into the cost of living crisis and winding up with a cheery ‘where will it all end?’ before parting ways and I conclude he’s much taller than you think.

Next day it’s Tom Read Wilson (I’m a Celebrity 2025 runner up, TV presenter, author, actor) in a shop on Broughton Street where we wind up at the till at the same time. It’s rude to stare, but his resting face is lit and open, plus I’m transfixed by his eyelashes - if spiders did pilates - and a desire to hear him speak. This is a man people would pay to read the phone directory - if that was still a thing (for anyone under 40, this was a huge book containing an alphabetical list of everyone in an area’s phone number, an idea that blows my twentysomething’s mind - ‘a book, with everyone’s numbers, in the cubicles on the street, that used to have the big phones, wasn’t that intrusive? To which you can only respond, hello, the internet?’).

I ask Tom how his Fringe show’s gone and am treated to his impeccable manners and vocals.

“Oh it’s been wonderful! Thank you so much for asking. I must say Edinburgh really has been the most appreciative audience I have ever encountered in my entire life,” he responds. “So warm! It’s been gratifying.” After basking in his radiance some more I leave him in peace, concluding, as he walks away, that he’s taller than you think.

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As the festival wears on the sleb count piles up - Stockard Channing up at the Pleasance, Jason Byrne in George Square, Ewen Bremner at a ceilidh, John Swinney at the cinema - all of them taller than you think, piling up on previous year’s sightings that included Richard E Grant (he really IS taller than you think) on the Bridges, Bill Nighy on George Street (enjoying a cup of tea outside a cafe and sitting down, but still at my eye level, so definitely tall).

With more than a week still to run of the Festival, I’m keeping my eyes peeled because the city is awash with well-kent coupons. So if you think that person under a hat and sunglasses looks familiar but can’t be them because they’re too tall. It is them. It’s Edinburgh in August. It’s probably Jason Byrne.

Or have you considered that it’s all a fever dream and you’re shrinking?