Jackie McGregor: The misery of the overshare - strangers and too much information

​ As I entered the doctor’s waiting room a woman smiled at me. “Alright?” I asked, returning her grin as I sat down beside her. “Not bad,” she replied, then she bent her head conspiratorially and whispered, “but I still wet the bed occasionally!” I didn’t know where to look!

It is thought that oversharing information can help process emotions.

My heart sank, I’d done it again. I’m a magnet for the oversharer, they automatically gravitate towards me.

“And yourself?” she asked. “Fine thanks,” I squeaked. Please don’t talk to me I willed her in my head. My luck was in, the nurse called her name. I sighed with relief.

However, my good fortune wasn’t to hold when my shopping arrived later. As I unpacked my groceries, the delivery driver morphed into Jamie Oliver.

“A bit of mango chutney with that,” he suggested as I lifted the curry sauce. “Pan sear those with paprika,” he advised, eyeing my chicken breasts. “I used to be a chef!” he informed me. I unpacked faster, I sensed a life story coming on.

Sometime later, we were up to 1998, he was living in Wales working as a labourer, but he was ready for change, then my son called me from upstairs. I practically cried with gratitude!

“Thanks son,” I high fived him. “No probs, you’ve got to learn to put your foot down with people mum!” he scolded. He was right, but as a former oversharer, I feel sorry for these individuals, they’re usually quite sad souls.

I used to overshare a lot! People who do this typically have a desire for attention or validation. They mostly lack boundaries and seek emotional regulation. Oversharing can help process emotions.

Feeling vulnerable and insecure because of personal challenges or tough life events, can result in sharing too much of ourselves with strangers as a coping mechanism to help regulate difficult emotions.

I had been a lonely, full-time, carer for decades to both parents who suffered with Alzheimer’s. When I found myself in company, I would attempt to quickly bond with people via the overshare.

Behind this, was a need for human connection with those who were not in a constant state of confusion. I needed to share the pain I felt in my caring prison and the heartache of watching my parents suffer. Soon, I began to see how uncomfortable my sharing made people; you need to learn to read the room! I realised my situation was too distressing for others; people have their own problems!

The bedwetter was suffering physical challenges. The delivery guy regretted his life choices, I learned this when he reappeared with my next order.

I unpacked with the speed of Formula One pit crew, but he was off again.

His voice became a wah-wah sound. I zoned out. Then I realised he was asking me a question. “Pardon?” I asked, perplexed. “Have you ever felt awful disappointment like that?” he repeated.

“Yes, when Les McKeown left The Bay City Rollers,” I replied. This momentarily confused him; I seized my escape. “Thanks so much,” I gushed and hurriedly shut the door on him. The one thing worse than being an oversharer is having to listen to one, sometimes, even though you sympathise, you have to save yourself!