Why emotional honesty has become essential in leadership

Following up on our last interview with Mike Stevenson, this conversation moves beyond the story of how adversity shaped him and into what those experiences can actually teach. The focus here is on confidence, recovery and the kind of leadership that feels honest when people are under pressure.

Mike Stevenson | Picture: Champions Speakers Agency

Mike has spent years speaking to businesses and teams about purpose, reinvention and performance, drawing on a life that has taken him through hardship, music, business and public speaking. That range gives this interview weight. The answers come from lived experience, not theory.

In this exclusive interview with Motivational Speakers Agency, Mike Stevenson reflects on how people rebuild confidence after setbacks, why emotional honesty matters more in leadership than ever, and what it takes to move forward with clarity, belief and direction.

 

Question 1. Confidence often takes the hardest hit when someone is navigating personal upheaval or professional setbacks at the same time. From your own experience of adversity and leadership, what actually helps people rebuild confidence when it has been stripped away?

Mike Stevenson: “As a leader, I've had to deal with people going through all kinds of sometimes torturous periods in their life. And there's two bits of advice I would always give them.

“And the first one came from my father because he served in the desert during the Second World War. And what they were taught to do in the army was to tidy up their own personal space, or I suppose in everyday life it would be keep your bedroom tidy, tidy it up, make it a haven for you, and then start working out. Because if I clear my desk, for example, because I can allow things to get piled up, then I feel infinitely better. It is having that space around you that's uniquely yours and you've achieved something.

“Take little, small steps. Do things that require not much effort, but you feel a sense of pride and achievement at the end of it. Don't try and do everything at once.

“The other thing that I learned when I was out in the streets was something that allows you to reframe or focus on something much bigger as you're taking your small steps. In other words, where do you want to be? Do you want to feel recovered, or do you want to aim for something higher than that?

“Now, let me tell you this story because it had a profound impact on my life and it came surprisingly from the police, who were probably my adversaries when I was out in the streets of London because we had a few battles with the police. Sometimes I would be kept awake by a Met Police boot.

“But I was taken into the cells one night and it was West End Central Station, and I was greeted in the morning by a very jovial death sergeant who said to me, "Michael, before you leave, I want you to tell me your dreams. You're not getting your stuff back. It was a half penny until you tell me your dreams."

“And I said, "Oh, it's simple. I need to get accommodation and a job. You can't get one without the other. You know what I'm talking about." And he said, "No, no, no, no. They're your next steps. They will come easily to you. I want to know about your dreams. Those things that you lie and think about and your mind wonders to. You paint pictures of where you would like to be."

“And I said, "Well, in that case, I want to do well with my music because I play the guitar and I sing. And one day, I want to set up my own business."

“Now, I walked out of that police station with his words ringing in my ear. Go off and make it happen. Things will happen for you now that you've set your focus on where you want to be in your life. So, if I just tell you that no one had ever asked me what my dreams were in my life and here was I with a different kind of picture.

“Things that I thought were impossible were suddenly appearing in images in my mind. And a year later, I was busking at the top of Grafton Street in Dublin, drawing big crowds, earning quite a lot of money. And I found that I was a performer. You had to raise your voice because we didn't have microphones and speakers in those days out in the streets. And I was strengthening all the time. You also learn it's about performance.

“Now, that happened a year after this dream was brought to mind. So, as well as doing small things, your next steps, think about where you want to be and focus on that rather than just focusing on, I need to get back to work, or I need to go meet people again. These are the things. You've got your building blocks and you've got your dream. And of course, later on I set up my own business and did really well for 20 years in that.

“So, this is what helped me and it will help other people. It has helped other people. I just tell you a quick story about a friend of mine, a mother who had a 12-year-old son. And I went around to visit her one night, and she was frazzled, really frazzled. She wasn't normal. She's a wonderful woman and a wonderful mother. But on this particular night, she'd been trying to persuade her 12-year-old son to tidy up his bedroom. She said, "It's a tip. Just go and look at it. It's a tip."

“So, I said, "I'll go and have a wee word." So, I went in and she was right. His bedroom was a mess. There were things lying all over, things spilling out the drawers, old mugs and plates sitting on the bedside table. It was a mess. But when I looked around and I surveyed the walls, I saw a succession of posters of David Beckham.

“And I said, "So you like David?" He said, "Oh yeah. He’s, my favourite."

“I said, "Oh, what would your room look like if David Beckham was coming to tea tonight?" And he stopped and he thought and he said, "Let me show you. Just go out. Let me show you."

“And about an hour later, there came a call from the bedroom. Come and see my bedroom now. So, his mother and I went into the bedroom. It was immaculate.

“All I did there was to reframe it from a vision of something happening in the future, of something that you imagine, from a task. And that's the difference. That's a separation. You do things towards where you want to be. But you have to know where you want to be. It has to be bigger than just a simple, you know, I won't get to the shops this weekend because I'm not feeling well. Does that make sense?

“So that's what I've done all my life. And by the way, I've had falls many times since those early days. So, I've had to put this into practice multiple occasions. So, it works.”

 

Question 2. Leadership used to be associated with certainty, control, and emotional distance. Why do you believe emotional honesty has now become an essential leadership skill rather than simply a personal virtue?

Mike Stevenson: “Emotional honesty in leaders has become more important for some very fundamentally basic simple reasons. Who would you rather? A boss that said, "I've made a mistake," to one that says, "Someone's made a mistake."

“It's huge, isn't it? People want to know that you bleed like they do. And they want to know that you are vulnerable. No one is invulnerable, and to try and pretend otherwise, to try and be this strong person that is unyielding to anything, is profoundly wrong.

“I think it was Peter Ducker that said that the difference between management and leadership is that management is about doing things right and leadership is about doing the right things. Now there's a difference there, isn't there? And the right thing is always to create an environment.

“Great leaders create leaders from followers, right? And that is you've got to show them what leaderships about. Leadership is about owning up to your own frailties and fragilities. People like those who are vulnerable. Compassion is a strength, not a weakness.

“There is something in the male psyche that has lasted for many years, and I was brought up with it, and it is, you are strong. You're invulnerable. Nothing is going to throw you off course. And of course, inside there's turmoil and that's the problem, that you become more and more detached from people around you.

“And it's a simple switch to flick. You are human just like they are. They are there to help you to achieve something beyond all of you, something bigger than all of you. And you need to get them on side. But you need to understand also that you've brought them in because they've got skills. They've got talents. And those talents and skills are often better than you have yourself because you're a leader. You're not there to be multi-talented. You're there to get the best out of people.

“So the way to do that is to make them feel that they are of immense value, that their ideas count, that you make mistakes just like they do, that you own up, and that some days you feel a bit more fragile than other days, but you don't show it. But you might say to them at the end of the day, "Had a bit of a day today, and don't worry, I'll be back tomorrow. Don't worry, I'll be back tomorrow and I'll be fine." Tell them. Be open.

“Honest communication inside an organization takes away that tension, that almost irrevocable tension that exists between someone who believes that they're above it all and the others. You're not above it all. You've got a job to do.

“Leadership is not easy, but it can be much easier when you recognize that the people that you are leading want to do well. And if you engage them in what they want to do well and that matches you and your aspirations, then you're halfway there. Then it's a shared experience.

“That's why I think emotional honesty is the number one leadership skill today because it is you saying I'm the leader but that doesn't separate me from you. It means I'm trying to get the best out of you. I want you all to become leaders. I want you to discover your talents to make the best of yourselves because that's in all of our interests.”

This exclusive interview with Mike Stevenson was conducted by Tabish Ali of the Motivational Speakers Agency.